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Feeling Stuck? Here is why
Are you feeling stuck even while doing everything right? Read on to get unstuck.
Disclaimer: This video is not sponsored. Some links are affiliate links, which means if you buy I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
You’re doing everything right. You’re journaling, reflecting, reading the books, listening to the podcasts, and setting intentions. You know what you should be doing, and honestly? You’re doing it. And yet—you still feel stuck.
Not in a dramatic, can’t-get-out-of-bed way. Just… stuck. Like you’re running in place, like there’s an invisible wall between where you are and where you want to be. So you try harder. You add another morning routine, sign up for another course, and tell yourself you just need more discipline, more clarity, more… something. But here’s what nobody tells you: The reason you’re stuck has nothing to do with not doing enough. It has everything to do with what’s happening beneath what you’re doing.
The Invisible Force That’s Really Running the Show
Think about the last time you snapped at someone you love, or avoided something you knew you needed to do, or scrolled mindlessly for an hour when you had work to finish. In that moment, did you consciously decide to do those things? Probably not. Something else took over—something automatic, something that felt impossible to stop even though you knew better.
That “something” is your nervous system, and it’s been running patterns in the background of your life that you didn’t even know were there. These patterns are why you know what to do but can’t seem to do it consistently, why you feel exhausted even when you haven’t done much, why you react in ways you don’t want to and then beat yourself up about it. They’re why change feels harder for you than it seems to be for other people, and why you intellectually understand your issues but can’t seem to shift them.
You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not lacking willpower. You’re just living with patterns you can’t see.
What Patterns Actually Are (And Why They Keep You Stuck)
A pattern is a learned response that your nervous system created to keep you safe. Maybe you learned to people-please to avoid conflict, to stay small to avoid criticism, or to over-function to prove your worth. These patterns worked once—they protected you and got you through something hard. But now? They’re running automatically, even when they’re not helping anymore, even when they’re actively keeping you stuck.
The problem is, you can’t change a pattern you can’t see. And most people are so deep inside their patterns, they think the pattern IS them.
The Four Nervous System States that Are keeping you stuck
Your nervous system operates in four primary survival states, and you’re constantly moving between them throughout your day:
Fight: This is your “push through” state. You’re aggressive, controlling, or irritable. You might snap at people, feel defensive, or have a short fuse. You’re not trying to be difficult—your nervous system thinks it needs to fight to stay safe.
Flight: This is your “go go go” state. You’re productive, moving fast, getting things done—but you’re also anxious, restless, and can’t fully relax. You feel like you’re always running from something, even when there’s nothing chasing you.
Freeze: This is your “shutdown” state. You feel foggy, unmotivated, disconnected. You know what you should do, but you can’t make yourself move. It’s not laziness—it’s your nervous system protecting you by shutting down.
Fawn: This is your “keep the peace” state. You over-give, people-please, say yes when you mean no, and prioritize everyone else’s comfort over your own needs. You’re not weak—your nervous system learned that being agreeable keeps you safe.
Flow: This is your regulated state. You feel grounded, present, capable. You can think clearly, respond instead of react, and access your creativity and intuition. This is where real change happens.
Most people spend the majority of their day cycling between Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—and they think that’s just “who they are.” But it’s not. It’s just the state their nervous system has learned to default to based on old patterns.
Why “Doing the Work” Isn’t Enough
Here’s the hard truth: all the journaling, affirmations, and self-help books in the world won’t create lasting change if your nervous system is still living in survival mode. You can have the insight, understand your patterns intellectually, and know exactly what you need to do. But if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough to do it, you won’t.
This is why people say things like “I know I need boundaries, but I just can’t uphold them,” or “I understand why I do this, but I can’t stop,” or “I’ve had this same realization a hundred times, but nothing changes.” It’s not a willpower problem. It’s a nervous system problem. And until you address what’s happening at that level, you’ll keep hitting the same wall over and over again.
The Energy Leaks You Don’t Even Know Are There
Your nervous system is constantly spending energy, and most of it is going to places you’re not aware of. Think about it: How much energy goes to managing other people’s emotions? How much goes to trying to control outcomes you can’t control? How much goes to ruminating about past mistakes or future what-ifs? How much goes to staying on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop?
These are energy leaks, and they’re draining you dry without you even realizing it. When your energy is constantly leaking, you feel tired even after a full night’s sleep, simple tasks feel overwhelming, you don’t have the capacity to show up the way you want to, and you’re running on fumes, pushing through, white-knuckling your way through life. And the worst part? You can’t fix an energy leak you can’t see.
What It Actually Takes to Get Unstuck
Getting unstuck isn’t about doing more. It’s about seeing more. It’s about noticing the patterns that are running automatically, understanding which nervous system state you’re living in most of the time, identifying where your energy is leaking so you can reclaim it, and creating awareness before you try to create change.
Because here’s the truth: you can’t shift what you can’t see. And once you can see it? Everything changes. Not because you suddenly have more willpower, but because you’re finally working with your system instead of against it.
The First Step To Getting Unstuck: Just Notice
You don’t need to fix anything yet. You don’t need to have all the answers or figure out your entire life right now. You just need to start noticing.
Notice when you go into:
- Fight mode—when you’re irritable, controlling, defensive.
- Flight mode—when you’re anxious, rushing, can’t sit still. Notice when you go into
- Freeze mode—when you shut down, disconnect, can’t make yourself move.
- Fawn mode—when you’re over-giving, people-pleasing, abandoning your own needs.
Notice where your energy goes throughout the day. Notice the patterns that keep showing up in your relationships, your work, your decisions.
That’s it. Just notice. Because awareness is the foundation of everything else, and you can’t build a new life on top of patterns you don’t even know are there.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re realizing that you can’t see your own patterns clearly—and you’re ready to finally understand what’s been keeping you stuck—NOTICE IT is designed exactly for this. It’s a self-paced awareness program that helps you identify your energy leaks and nervous system patterns, understand which state (Flight, Freeze, or Flow) you’re living in, map your daily rhythms so you can work with your system instead of against it, and build the foundation for real, lasting change.
This isn’t another course that tells you what to do. It’s a mirror that shows you what’s actually happening—so you can finally shift it.
Take the first step with → NOTICE IT
Want to Learn More? Recommended Reading
If you want to dive deeper into understanding your nervous system and why patterns keep you stuck, here are some beginner-friendly books I recommend:
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – This widely-regarded book explores how trauma and stress get stored in the body and offers insight into why we can’t just “think” our way out of survival patterns. It’s a foundational read for understanding the mind-body connection.
Heal Your Nervous System by Dr. Linnea Passaler – Dr. Passaler presents a 5-stage plan to address nervous system dysregulation, covering everything from anxiety and burnout to chronic physical symptoms. This is a practical, science-backed guide that’s perfect for beginners.
How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera – Dr. LePera combines research from psychology, neuroscience, and holistic health to help readers understand the root causes of emotional and psychological pain. It’s accessible and action-oriented—great for people who want to take an active role in their healing.
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber – This book encourages readers to move away from the cultural push to “try harder” and embrace a gentler, more compassionate approach to personal growth and healing, combining psychological science with practical exercises. Perfect if you’re tired of the hustle-harder mentality.
Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine – Peter Levine’s work on somatic experiencing offers practical understanding of how the body processes and releases trauma. It’s an excellent resource for understanding why your body reacts the way it does.
The bottom line
You’re not stuck because you’re not trying hard enough. You’re stuck because you’re working against patterns you can’t see. Once you start noticing them, everything shifts—not because you suddenly have more willpower, but because you’re finally working with your system instead of fighting it. The change you want is possible. But it starts with awareness, not action.
