You Can Have It All. But, Do You Have the Container to Receive It

Marquita Etter

A woman holding a bowl that is over flowing symboliizing the fact that capacity to receive is more important than goals.

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You can have it all, the relationship, the income, the impact, the freedom, the life that actually feels good to live. The real question isn’t what it will cost you to get there; it’s whether you have the capacity to receive it.

Most people assume that if they want more from life, the answer is simple: work harder, try again, push through, get disciplined, stay consistent, be stronger, be better. And if things keep falling apart or stalling out, the assumption is that something’s wrong with them. But what if that’s not the real issue? What if the problem isn’t effort at all?

When Things Start Going Well and Then Somehow Don’t

Have you ever noticed that just as things start to improve, something shifts? And it can look like:

Gaining momentum, then losing steam.
Getting closer to what you want, then feeling exhausted or anxious.
Making progress, then picking fights, getting sick, or creating unnecessary chaos.
Achieving success that feels strangely uncomfortable instead of satisfying.

And the most confusing part is this: you’re capable, you’re trying, and you’re not afraid of effort. So why does it feel like every breakthrough comes with a breakdown?

It’s Not Laziness or Lack of Motivation

If this pattern sounds familiar, I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. This isn’t a discipline issue, and it’s not a mindset failure. It’s not because you’re not healed enough or ready enough or worthy enough. In fact, many people who experience this pattern are highly responsible, thoughtful, self-aware, and driven. The problem isn’t that you’re doing nothing—the problem is that your system may already be doing too much, and it may be doing it in a way that’s no longer sustainable. That overload is often a sign of a capacity limit, not a character flaw.

The Missing Piece Most People Never Learn About

There’s something that rarely gets talked about when it comes to growth and change, and that’s capacity. Capacity isn’t about willpower, and it’s not about wanting something badly enough. It’s not about pushing yourself to do more.

Personal development guru Jim Rohn said it perfectly:

“If somebody hands you a million dollars, you better become a millionaire fast, so that you can keep the money,” -Jim Rohn

In other words, having the thing and being able to “hold the thing” are two completely different challenges. Capacity is about what your system can tolerate and stay present with, how much responsibility feels safe, how much success feels stable, how much visibility feels manageable, how much intimacy, ease, or expansion your body can hold without going into stress.

Why Progress Can Feel Destabilizing

Your body learns what’s safe long before your mind decides what it wants. If you learned that having too much attention created pressure, criticism, or responsibility, then visibility can feel threatening. If you learned that rest led to consequences or judgment, then slowing down can feel uncomfortable. If you learned that success came with loss, expectations, or instability, then moving forward can feel risky, even when it’s what you want. So when your life starts to expand beyond what once felt safe, your system tries to bring you back to familiar ground. This isn’t sabotage, it’s protection. And without understanding this, many people spend years blaming themselves for patterns that actually make sense. The first step is understanding how your system currently tries to protect you, that’s your operating mode.

Capacity Limits are not the same for everyone

Here’s where most advice falls short: not everyone experiences capacity limits in the same way. Some people respond by pushing harder until they burn out. Some people understand their patterns clearly but can’t seem to change them. Some people feel stable but stuck, unsure why things aren’t moving forward. And yes, some people can pause, reflect, and choose differently with more ease, but if you’re reading this, that’s probably not where you are right now, and that’s okay. None of these responses are better or worse, they’re simply different operating modes based on what it’s learned and what it can currently hold. Most importantly they are not personal failures.

Identifying Your Operating Mode before setting more goals

Before you set another goal, before you try to fix your behavior, before you decide something’s wrong with you, it helps to understand how your system is operating right now. When people try to change without knowing this, they often force habits they can’t sustain, misinterpret resistance as failure, and abandon goals that actually matter to them. But when you understand your current operating mode, everything changes. You stop second-guessing yourself, stop the self-judgment, and you’ll stop skipping the steps your system actually needs. Change becomes less about effort and more about alignment. And different operating modes require different strategies, which is why the same advice doesn’t work for everyone.

where do you stand

I created a short assessment that helps you identify how your system is currently operating—not as a label or limitation, but as a starting point. It shows you which pattern you’re working from right now and why certain approaches may not have worked in the past, so you can finally work with your system instead of against it.

You can take the quiz here to discover your current operating mode and get the right sequence for change, starting from understanding instead of self-correction.

You’ll walk away knowing which pattern you’re in and the kind of support your nervous system actually needs next.

You Can Have It All. But, Do You Have the Container to Receive It